Be Careful What You Say

When it comes to the written word, flawless spelling and punctuation aren't always enough to make your business look good. Building on last week's theme of humor in the English language, here are a dozen examples of the potential embarrassment in not thinking through what your words actually say:

1. "Donate to Consignment Retail Shop's quarterly sale and get rid of all those things that just clutter up your home. Bring your family."
2. "Don't let outmoded medical treatments make your health problems worse. Come to Homeopathic Clinic and let us take care of that."
3. "Our vacuum cleaners run so quietly, you'll swear they aren't working at all."
4. "Our West Road franchise will be closing next week. Thanks to all our former loyal customers."
5. "Come to our rifle range. We provide instructors so you can learn to shoot yourself."
6. "Can't get Internet access? Visit our Web site for the solution!"
7. "Our software is completely foolproof and virtually guaranteed never to frustrate you. To further ensure your convenience, we maintain a 24/7 Customer Complaints hotline."
8. "At next Sunday's church service, the pastor will formally announce his resignation, after which the congregation will sing 'Praise the Lord.'"
9. "Fly with our airline and let us worry about the hassles of driving."
10. "Our cars are effectively indestructible and let you hit anything with impunity."
11. "Tinter's Barber Shop prides itself on cultivating long-term customer relationships. We'll cut your hair until you go bald!"
12. "Get away from the crowds at Custom Resort. Reservations must be made at least six weeks in advance."

Just because you're clear on what you mean doesn't mean anyone else is; others can only read your words, not your mind. Never let anything significant to your profits or reputation get out to the public without testing it on at least one person who had no hand in writing it!

Words Are Funny

In honor of vacation season, today's post takes a break from talking about business, and makes time to laugh at the idiosyncracies of the English language.

• Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
• Why do we send shipments in cars and cargo on ships?
• If your father's wife is your stepmother, why isn't your uncle's wife your stepaunt?
• If she corresponds to he, why don't we have shim and shis to correspond to him and his?
• If the plural of mouse is mice, why isn't hice the plural of house? How does one tell the difference between the singular and the plural of sheep? And what's the singular of trousers?
• If vulnerable and invulnerable are opposites, why do inflammable and flammable mean the same thing?
• Why doesn't overlook mean the same as oversee? And why does quite a lot mean the same as quite a few?
• If "worn-out" clothing is no longer fit to wear, shouldn't brand-new clothing be sold as "worn-in"?
• Why isn't there any egg in an eggplant, or any apple in a pineapple? Where are the rocks in rock candy? Why aren't lead pencils made with lead, and why are tin cans made mostly of steel?
• Why do dogs and people take catnaps?

Take a nap yourself this afternoon, and remember that relaxed minds make for "creativer" writing! (Why doesn't every adjective have one-word comparative and superlative forms??)

Your Blog's Mission

A good blog, like a good magazine, needs a reasonably narrow focus. Few people will continue following a blog that talks about cat care one week, Middle East politics the next, and computer software the week after that--unless the writer can tie all three to some common aspect (such as "the realities of the modern world from a radical conservative's perspective") and emphasize that aspect to make it obvious all posts come from the same basic point of view.

It is possible to write a blog that covers a large variety of subtopics. Look at major periodicals that have been around for decades: National Geographic; Good Housekeeping; Time Magazine. All cover a variety of topics that at first glance seem to have little in common, yet no one thinks it odd if National Geographic runs an article on caffeine next to one on the history of polar exploration. The secret is to have a clearly definable mission--whether that mission is to educate readers on people, their cultures, and their world; to show average Americans how to make personal and family life more fulfilling; to explore how a philosophy or religion relates to the real world; or simply to provide entertainment for lovers of literary fiction.

The most obvious advantage of the mission-oriented blog is that it's less likely to die for lack of new post ideas; how many things can the average blogger really say about "the view from my kitchen window"? (For a detailed discussion on how not to run out of ideas, check back to the March 23 post.) But unless the mission itself is obvious, readers may lose interest as quickly as with a "topics chosen at random" post. So "your mission, should you choose to accept it," is to write your mission-oriented blog according to the following hints:

Make your blog's mission match your business's mission--or some aspect of the latter. A veterinarian might write a pet-health blog; a community-development nonprofit could focus on positive aspects of architectural or educational trends. A relevant blog is good publicity for your business, helps establish your expertise in readers' minds, spreads passion for the cause, and also is the best bet for a topic you won't run out of ideas on.

Put a header on your blog that states its mission in one short paragraph. The "mission statement" for Good Writing is Good Business begins "Despite what many would-be novelists think, good writing is not easy. It is, however, vital . . ." (see above). When Web surfers discover an interesting post on driving for maximum fuel efficiency, and come back the next week to find a post on locating thrift stores, they won't be jarred by the apparent incongruity if the header has made clear that this is a blog on "everyday economical living."

Choose a blog title equally evocative of the mission. Even if you prefer a clever or intriguing title that doesn't make the mission obvious (in which case a descriptive header is doubly important), match it to the blog's overall tone. Beware of risque implications if your mission is conservative, and remember that "groaner" puns lead readers to expect plenty of humor.

Keep the tone consistent from post to post; it'll help maintain a cohesive feeling when topics vary. Define the typical response you want to evoke: belly laughs? Moral indignation? Sentimental musings? If you write your own posts, beware of trying to speak in a "voice" that isn't yours. Attempting humor without a gift for it is bad enough in a single article; in a series of posts, it'll drive both you and your readers crazy.

Every successful business has a mission. The wise business owner designs blogs--and all other PR and marketing materials--to provide maximum support for that mission.

Want to Write a Magazine Article?

Every academic and scientist has heard the phrase "publish or perish." When part of your job is to be brilliant, people expect to see your byline in major journals; lack of a bibliography quickly begins to reflect on your professional reputation.

While the pressure is less in other fields, the concept holds universally true: the businessperson who gets noticed by a major periodical is the businessperson whose presumed expertise gets respect. The press release, covered in an earlier post, is one way of getting an article into a newspaper or trade journal. To go beyond "the latest scoop on my business," try an article in one of the following categories:

The op-ed (as in "opposite the editorial page" or "opinion-editorial") is a good beginning choice; these social-commentary articles are short (rarely more than 750 words) and can be written directly from personal knowledge. Don't, however, slip into the "everyone with any sense knows this" approach; the opinion advanced still has to be supported with clear facts and logical conclusions. Pick a topic you feel strongly about and have considerable experience with; give "see-their-point" consideration to those who disagree; and cite at least one respected source that isn't on your payroll.

The filler--the brief piece of advice, anecdote, or trivia item--can also be a good first-article choice, especially if you work in a human-interest-related field. There's rarely room for lengthy author bios; just note your business name and/or Web address, plus your field if it's not obvious from the name.

The profile, interview, or news feature is an expanded version of the press release: instead of one specific milestone or accomplishment, this article focuses on multiple aspects of a person or business and (in the case of the news feature) how they relate to some major event or trend. It's ideal if a periodical interviews you; but, unfortunately, this isn't something you have much control over (though it helps to get involved in prominent causes and build good person-to-person relationships with the community and media). If you do want to write one of these articles yourself, be careful; it's hard to keep self-profiles from sounding like blatant self-promotion. You might hire an outside freelance service to edit your article for general interest, or to ghostwrite a news feature; or you might offer yourself to a freelance writer as a profile or interview subject, contributing a sidebar under your own name. (Don't, however, pay a writer for doing an interview article with you as the subject; it could invite uncomfortable ethical questions.)

The full-length feature article, whether news, social trends, or how-to, should be attempted only by the most experienced writers. However, there's nothing wrong with hiring a ghostwriter or "as told to" writer in this case. Do write the author bio yourself; it should be one short paragraph noting your business name/specialty, the best means of contacting you, and an interesting fact about you or your business that relates to the article's focus.

The full-page advertorial deserves a quick mention, though technically it's a paid advertisement rather than an article. The most effective ones read like press releases and include the human element, especially case histories and photographs.

A couple of final points:

1. For prestige, reader interest, and chances of being published, the trade journals for your industry are the best places to submit articles.

2. If you can't yet claim a published article, there's nothing unethical about posting your best work online with the note "as submitted to x magazine" (provided it's the truth, of course, and provided there's no risk of the magazine's later requesting first publishing rights). At least you'll get credit for trying!

Shorter Is Better

Most people think of "rushing about" as a modern dilemma. But though faster technology and unlimited options have exacerbated "hurry sickness," dislike of "wasted time" has been around for quite a while. The classic composition booklet Elements of Style, first published in 1918, urges writers to avoid wasting readers' time with "needless words": "A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts."

A sure way to offend magazine editors is to submit a manuscript with the comment "I know you don't normally publish stories of over 1,000 words, but I'm sure you'll find this 3,000-word piece is worth making an exception for." Such approaches frequently come from writers who haven't even bothered trying to shorten their first drafts. And the temptation is even worse in business writing, where there are no official word counts, no obvious immediate rejections, usually more of a sense of "rush," and (in e-writing) no extra expense involved for additional length. No extra expense in terms of print costs, that is. One can only guess how many potential customers lose interest after one glance at the infinitesimal size of a screen-height bar, or give up in disgust after two rambling paragraphs.

The #1 hint for concise business writing is Take time to edit. First drafts always ramble; it's unavoidable.

Some other (short and sweet!) hints:

• The word that, and phrases containing it ("the fact that," "it occurs to me that"), are among the most dispensable items. Ditto for qualifier adverbs such as usually, frequently, and very.
• Active voice ("Tom brought the salad") is more concise and stronger than passive ("The salad was brought by Tom").
• Replace adjectival phrases with nouns, and adverbial phrases with verbs. ("Prodigy" instead of "brilliant young man," "sprinted" instead of "ran quickly.")
• Keep a thesaurus handy; it cuts words wasted trying to achieve precise descriptions.
• Keep your topic or thesis narrow, and remove any sentences (or paragraphs!) that don't relate to it.

Hope this post was short enough!

Not All Articles Come in Series

Stand-alone articles (as opposed to those published in magazines or newsletters) have been around for a long time in the form of white papers, tracts, and pamphlets, but in the online age such publications have really come into their own. Now, everyone with a Web site or social networking account can freely post company anecdotes, helpful hints, and top-ten lists. And these articles can be written as long or as short, as frequently or as sporadically, as the needs of the situation call for.

Of course, sometimes it's useful to have a hard copy in hand, and a simple printout isn't always enough. Particularly if you need handouts for a trade show or want to give clients something easier to handle than an 8 x 11" sheet, the professionally printed booklet or brochure can do wonders for your "businesslike" image. Even if you have to hire a professional graphic designer and make sure the number of pages is divisible by 8, it may be worth it.

In either case, as with any business writing, you need a specific purpose for your project. And whether you're introducing your business--or your latest product or service--to the public, providing news on your industry as a whole, or giving out helpful hints related to your field of expertise, there are principles that apply to every stand-alone article.

Shorter is usually better--and the longer the article is, the less it should state outright what the sponsoring company wants. Not only do people have short attention spans, but the more focused an article is on "selling them," the faster they get bored. That's why advertorials run only one page and feature articles don't include "buy now" appeals.

Use lots of subheads. Article readers like to skim for key points, and anything that makes that easier is welcome.

Bulleted and numbered lists nearly always get favorable attention. Their "sound bite" approach and the white space they leave on the page gives an impression of "efficient and uncluttered."

Visuals may be more expensive than all-text, but often the greater appeal is worth it. Try to use visuals with Web articles, at least, where cost is far less an issue.

Lifelike visuals score highest. Photographs usually trump drawings, especially when the subjects are shown smiling and acting natural. People always trump objects. If your article topic is something like "keeping the wilderness wild" and you don't want to show people stepping on nature, include shots of active living creatures--not just plants and rocks.

If you aren't talking about your company directly in the text, don't forget to include your logo, mission statement, and contact information. Keep it inconspicuously at the bottom of the back page, though. In the interest of good public relations, every business should occasionally give away some free information related to its field of expertise, but making the source too obvious (e. g., explaining every two paragraphs that you specialize in solving such problems professionally) gives a "back door sales" impression that irritates readers.

Also to avoid annoying readers, don't serve up mixed purposes in the same article. Sales on one page, news on the next, and everyday advice on the third works fine in magazines, but a single article--even a booklet-length one--needs a single purpose. Like the short story that shifts point of view every third paragraph, a multi-purpose article will soon have readers wanting to throw the thing across the room to relieve the frustration of trying to figure out where their primary mental focus belongs.

Articles can be extremely useful as public relations or sales tools. Like all tools, they are most useful (and safest) when handled in certain ways.

What Good Is It, Without Immediate Return?

"Everyone says it's a great idea, but no one uses it" sums up much of the business world when it comes to blogs. For every entrepreneur who is successfully producing such electronic articles on a regular basis, there are likely ten whose efforts remain forever in the planning stage, stay perpetually sporadic, or die within three months.

Probably the top reason given is "not enough time." And cranking out a thousand or more words per week does take time (no matter how many non-writers think in terms of "dashing something off"). Still, I know several business owners who run highly profitable solo enterprises and still find time to turn out three or four blog posts a week, while many businesses with decent-sized staff pools are still planning to "get around to it someday." And anyone who really considers something a high priority will make time for it--or hire someone to do it.

So why do blogs and other e-articles, popular as they are in theory and given the number of successful businesses that swear by them, sink to the bottom of so many priority lists?

Probably because of a widespread tendency to judge everything by immediate and obvious results. It can be hard not to think in terms of "Getting people interested in what we do and what we know is all well and good, but shouldn't we devote the bulk of our resources to encouraging them to buy immediately? Where's the return on investment in giving out free health hints or telling funny stories about what it took to develop our new product?"

Some businesses decide that the best solution is to make one item serve both purposes, and create "blogs" that are really loosely disguised advertising campaigns. It seldom works; readers get bored with sales pitches far faster than with articles. In nearly every case, the two should be kept distinct.

What can a business reasonably expect from a well-written, consistently produced blog?

The building of long-term relationships. As people have always had their favorite magazines, they now have their favorite blogs. And as people rarely buy a magazine for the purpose of reading the advertisements, few will follow a blog primarily for the purpose of learning what the host can sell them.

Higher attraction value--and higher frequency tolerance--than advertising. Many people find their favorite blogs through Web browsing for information on a specific topic. Links to interesting e-articles are frequently forwarded on a casual "thought you might be interested" basis, whereas few people forward information on purchasable items unless (1) they have direct experience with the item or particularly long-term experience with the company, and (2) they immediately think of someone who is specifically looking for an item of that nature. Moreover, readers are generally glad to see a new blog installment, whereas advertisements frequently evoke a "quit bothering me" reaction.

A building of your reputation as dependable, consistent, and caring about more than the public's money. When a blog keeps to a steady posting/delivery schedule, every new installment sends the message "We can be counted on to deliver what we promise, when we promise." And if you regularly offer helpful or interesting information from your field of expertise, rather than simply talking about yourself, you also send the message "We care about your needs even when we don't immediately profit from them."

What you can't expect from most blogs is instant profit or instant new customers. Well-run businesses have both short-term and long-term goals; both are equally important, and the "article" approach serves the latter. It's worth the effort. Thinking entirely in the short term--the "putting out fires" approach--often means that the business itself will be short-lived.

If the long term is important enough to you to rate a large investment in a professional writer, you might even aim higher and create a full-length newsletter or e-zine. Visit this link (3/30/10 post, "Quick Quiz: What's Your Strongest Tool for Turning Prospects Into Clients?") and this one to learn from those who found it worth the time and trouble.

Conversely, you may appreciate the value of the business blog or newsletter but not be quite ready for a firm regular schedule. Or you may want to produce a piece that's too long for a blog but wouldn't really fit into a newsletter. The solution there is the informational brochure or booklet (electronic or print), which will be discussed in my next post.