Goofs and Gaffes

Here's another list of actual quotes that show why "be careful what you say" applies to the written word as well. (Source: Edit Edit Edit (EditEditEdit) on Twitter. Pay that page a visit; there's lots more to chuckle at!)

• "3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred."
• "Should I have a coma in the middle of this sentence?"
• Sports news headline: "Grandmother of eight makes hole in one."  
• "Chairman Billings asked Board members to muster support from the PTA to support the governor's task force on driving while intoxicated."
• Notice outside public restroom: "Skeptic Tank. No foreign objects."
• "In Pittsburgh they manufacture iron and steal."
• "Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years."
• Warning sign: "This door is alarmed."
• "Man Arrested for Possession of Heroine."
• "Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half."
• "Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off after age 25."
• "We provide the opportunities people with disabilities need to live dignified, fulfilling lies."
• "When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."

Laugh Break

Since last week's post was on the use of humor in writing, this seems a good time for another post on business writing that evokes laughs it wasn't seeking. Even perfect spelling doesn't always save a sentence from unintentionally hilarious implications:

• "The postponed president's speech has been rescheduled for December 2." (Will he still be a postponed president then?)
• "Our camp is the perfect place to go next time you feel the call of nature." (Maybe the camp's biggest attraction is its restrooms.)
• "Living in our apartments, a dozen bus routes are convenient." (Every bus route needs a home to go to at night.)
• "Our doctors don't misdiagnose medical problems. When they treat you for lung cancer, that's what you die of." (Comforting thought.)
• "When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone." (One from the law-books department. Word has it that the original intent was to kill the bill it was attached to--proving once again the folly of expecting committees to exercise common sense.)
• "The only way we'll ever see the economy pick up is if we can get the economy moving." (Who would have thought of that?)
• "Support space colonization research. One ruined planet isn't enough for the human race." (We all know humans can be destructive and greedy, but why encourage it?)
• "Firings will continue until we see some improvement in attitude around here." (Now that's real motivation.)
• "No drinking allowed on coffee breaks." (Please eat your coffee in powdered form.)
• "Thanks to all our friends and customers. Our business is no longer open." (We really appreciate your freeing us from the trouble of continuing to work every day.)
• "Our initial counseling sessions are free of service." (I think that was supposed to be "free of service charges.")
• "After using the automatic washing machines, please remove all your clothes when the light goes out." (At least they didn't advise customers to do it in broad daylight.)
• "Get your ears pierced here and we'll give you an extra pair free." (I've heard many people wish for extra arms and eyes, but never ears.)

Smile and have a great week!