Monday, July 26, 2010

Be Careful What You Say

When it comes to the written word, flawless spelling and punctuation aren't always enough to make your business look good. Building on last week's theme of humor in the English language, here are a dozen examples of the potential embarrassment in not thinking through what your words actually say:
  1. "Donate to Consignment Retail Shop's quarterly sale and get rid of all those things that just clutter up your home. Bring your family."
  2. "Don't let outmoded medical treatments make your health problems worse. Come to Homeopathic Clinic and let us take care of that."
  3. "Our vacuum cleaners run so quietly, you'll swear they aren't working at all."
  4. "Our West Road franchise will be closing next week. Thanks to all our former loyal customers."
  5. "Come to our rifle range. We provide instructors so you can learn to shoot yourself."
  6. "Can't get Internet access? Visit our Web site for the solution!"
  7. "Our software is completely foolproof and virtually guaranteed never to frustrate you. To further ensure your convenience, we maintain a 24/7 Customer Complaints hotline."
  8. "At next Sunday's church service, the pastor will formally announce his resignation, after which the congregation will sing 'Praise the Lord.'"
  9. "Fly with our airline and let us worry about the hassles of driving."
  10. "Our cars are effectively indestructible and let you hit anything with impunity."
  11. "Tinter's Barber Shop prides itself on cultivating long-term customer relationships. We'll cut your hair until you go bald!"
  12. "Get away from the crowds at Custom Resort. Reservations must be made at least six weeks in advance."
Just because you're clear on what you mean doesn't mean anyone else is; others can only read your words, not your mind. Never let anything significant to your profits or reputation get out to the public without testing it on at least one person who had no hand in writing it!

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